Posted by: michelle2005 | August 7, 2008

“Tessie’s Letter To Grandma”

Dearest Grandma,

I recognize that this is my first correspondence to you which I deeply regret.  However, certain events have transpired lately that require more wisdom than my one year can provide.  I remember Mom telling me that you were more than one year old. 

I am extremely intelligent, as compared to those two long nosed, beady-eyed, slobbering hair-balls!  I, of course, am referring to Molly and Katie.

 

I’m a “Love Bird”.  Genus: Agapornis.  Family:  Psittacide.  My family originated from Madagascar.  I’m sure you can readily see that this is by far grants me more prestige that mere “kennel-dwellers”.

 

I don’t even need anyone to brush me…due to the fact that I “preen”…sometimes all day.   I never need anyone to brush my teeth, since I had the good sense not to grow something I could not take care of.  (I think this must be why you had all those “skin tags” removed).

 

My difficulty began shortly after my Mom began spending more time that usual at home.  In the past, she always spoke to me in complete sentences.  However, she is now speaking to me in a high pitched sweaky voice and is now calling me “Tweety”.

It was utterly revolting!  I was just glad that no one else heard her.  I thought, I’d fall off my perch of embarrassment.  I AM NOT A CARTOON…I AM A LOVE BIRD!  Everyone knows there is a vast difference between a cartoon and a beautiful Love Bird.  I thought I’d act depressed to get Mom’s attention. 

 

Well, it didn’t work.  However she bought me a present.  She got me “BirdyMan”.  I am totally in love with “BirdyMan”.  He doesn’t even look like me, even though he originated from the same part of the world.  Of course, you can tell that “BirdyMan” is made of wood…Acacia wood.  Can you guess where Acacia wood comes from?  He  came from Africa and Madagascar.  We were made for each other.  Actually I was hatched and “BirdyMan” was made of Acacia wood.

Here’s a photo of “BirdyMan” >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

If Mom would speak to me in complete sentences, in her normal voice…(not singing—never singing) my life once again would be perfect.  Perhaps, it could come as a “suggestion” from you.  She talks to me all the time about you.  So, it would seem appropriate for you to speak to her about me.

 

With Great Love Your Grandbird,

 

Tessie

+++++++++

 

This is another letter I wrote my Mom decades ago about my little Love Bird, Tessie.  Just like “Molly’s Letter To Her Grandma”…it was meant as a joke.  To those of you that are kind enough to read this, it would mean a great deal to get some feedback.

 

Michelle

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Responses

  1. Oh my god! Right when I think I have you figured out, you go in a totally different direction. Your writing style is incredible. If you have any books published indicate it.

    I’ll be looking forward to reading everything you put in print from now on.


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